We're bombarded daily by media messages, images, comments, and subtleties that prescribe an "ideal" shape for our relative sports. Research by Mosewich in 2009 found evidence for something we already know-These often unattainable body ideals are a "complex negotiation between muscle size and muscle tone". Not to mention any body fat or shape discrepancies that could merely be a result of genetics yet drive the most talented into spirals of frustration, self-disgust and can lead to disordered eating and other dangerous conditions when they are too blinded by the arbitrary to see that they are great right where they are.
Confused and frustrated yet? Triathletes and distance runners-especially runners based on my experience and research- tend to engage in almost endless pursuit of achieving this magical ideal that will not only make them perform their best but look their best. What is this ideal and proper size of muscle tone and size? So what happens if a runner has thicker legs or broader shoulders than someone else? Does that make them less of an athlete or "not good enough"? Are we still a worthy endurance athletes if I don't look like a Shalane Flanagan or a Caroline Steffen? What about our training partners-what if somebody is bigger or more muscular than the others? I unfortunately have asked myself these questions more than I'd like to admit.
Based on observation and self reflection-this pursuit of the arbitrary is a dead end and does next to nothing for performance and absolutely nothing for self-esteem. But yet, especially as female athletes, many still find ourselves obsessing over, comparing ourselves with other athletes, analyzing our diets, training, scale weight, and overall missing the point by focusing on what's wrong our bodies instead of focusing on how to take care of it to get the best out of our sport and ourselves.
Personally, I have stood on many a start line and thought "she looks fitter than me", to "I don't look like a runner", and most recently "I miss how I used to look". I use the "how I used to look" as my near waif-like appearance when all I trained for was running. Upon taking up triathlon, and perhaps getting a little older, I am now somewhat heavier, and more muscular. My clothes fit differently: my arms and shoulders fill shirts, my lats have caused me to go up a size in certain cuts of clothing. I look in the mirror and see bulk when I used to see bone. When I finish a swim set, I can feel the muscles in my back when I lower my arms. I'd rather be "veinier" than I currently am.
For a control-freak who has bought into the "racing weight" ideal previously- I found this change and addition of muscle weight VERY unnerving at first. It is still something that I am working through. While I have my moments, especially if I hear a comment (such as "you're built like a swimmer/golfer/etc. when I really want to hear 'runner') I have to go back and regroup a bit. It's definitely a work in progress and always will be.
Finally, I'm arriving at the stage where I look in the mirror and see a strong, powerful athlete. I'm finding that this version of my body is amazing: it swims fast, it cycles fast, it runs fast. Most importantly it withstands the numerous workouts I give it each week. In comparison to the super-skinny runner version-this version of the body RECOVERS well. What good is being extra-light if I break down all the time? So whenever the demons of negative self-talk and dissatisfaction creep in-I immediately go through the checklist of all the things my body can do. Even if it sounds self-serving and arrogant, it's really nice to look in the mirror and think "look at that strong, beautiful woman and athlete". Yes that does happen, not always, but sometimes and that's what counts.
Finally, I'm arriving at the stage where I look in the mirror and see a strong, powerful athlete. I'm finding that this version of my body is amazing: it swims fast, it cycles fast, it runs fast. Most importantly it withstands the numerous workouts I give it each week. In comparison to the super-skinny runner version-this version of the body RECOVERS well. What good is being extra-light if I break down all the time? So whenever the demons of negative self-talk and dissatisfaction creep in-I immediately go through the checklist of all the things my body can do. Even if it sounds self-serving and arrogant, it's really nice to look in the mirror and think "look at that strong, beautiful woman and athlete". Yes that does happen, not always, but sometimes and that's what counts.
My mantra as of late has become: "It's okay to be beast-like". I repeat this whenever necessary and often several times per day. I am a talented, tough and strong athlete. I'm making peace with the new shape and musculature. It may not be as aesthetically pleasing (nor will it likely ever) as I'd like, but it's a great one. It's what I've been given and I take very good care of it. In reality, what more can a girl ask for? Based on trial and error, this version of me just works better. Will I still struggle, of course-but bottom line, I know I need to accept what I have and not chase after things that are not good for me.
I encourages others, male and female to try and be more objective when it comes to their appearance. There are many ways to start the process of breaking free from being "a slave of the arbitrary". I ask myself these questions and encourage others to do the same: what do you like about yourself? What can your body do? How can you take better care of it? Listen to others when they pay compliments to the way you look or how you're performing. It's up to you how you take comments from others-whether that be coaches, friends, family, etc. Feedback can be a powerful thing. Coppola and Colleagues (2013) recently studied female athletes' reactions to coach feedback on body image (ex. the "muscle mass vs. tone issue") and found that what a coach or close individual says-even if indirectly can have significant impact. I know what others say or thing I assume (often wrongly) that they're thinking can be a trigger.
When having a day where I'm more dissatisfied with how I look, I typically go through a script like this:
"Am I injured? No.", "Do I have energy? Yes.", "Did I hit that training target? Yes." Am I consistently training and eating well? Yes." "Am I happy with the run (or bike or swim) I just did? Yes." Am I still fast? Yes." Am I in shape? Yes." It can go on and on as much as I need it to.
Ultimately, we can raise awareness but it is up to the individual to decide work to eliminate the garbage between the ears and focus on what's really important: health and enjoyment of sport. If we're healthy, training well, and in shape-isn't that all that matters? Know what things set you off on a negative path-whether that be comparing with other athletes, focusing on perceived "problem" areas, or things other say. The more honest we are with ourselves and realistic we are about our diverse shapes this issue can be tackled one athlete at a time.
First step for many is accepting that this: you're never going to have that "perfect" body. Internalize and accept that, and the truth shall set you free.
First step for many is accepting that this: you're never going to have that "perfect" body. Internalize and accept that, and the truth shall set you free.
Some of us are naturally are "beasts". Some of us more streamlined and smaller-framed. Sometimes, does it really matter? Especially if we're not professionals. It's time we think about the things we like about ourselves as athletes instead of what we look like. If we're meeting our goals and we have positives in our life, what good is it micromanaging things if all it does is bum you out? Accept yourself for who you are, what you look like, and make the best of it.
NOTE: this post contains a combination of research, personal experience, and opinion.For some, the concept of "racing weight" may work fine if kept in proper perspective. I encourage any athlete struggling with significant distress from personal appearance to address appropriately and get the support they need.
Stay the course.
References:
Coppola A., Ward, R., & Freysinger, V. (2013). Coaches' communication of sport body image: Experiences of female athletes. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology. Accepted January, 2013.
11 comments:
Really glad to read this today from you. Shape/ weight is such a touchy subject and everything you said about perception is dead on.
Outsider comments, negative or positive, or even just worded a certain way - meant for good- can have a serious mental effect.
I also try to keep my own observations in check-- I could work for a smaller waistline, but i might not have a solid core. Performance is my aim.
Personally I think your mantra should be "the beast WINS" or something similar..it's not just OK to be a beast :)
I train with a friend who is the same height (5"9) and similar build to me but she is around 10-15 lbs lighter than I am. She is also a bit faster than me and I do attribute some of that to the extra weight I carry.
I have gone back and forwards so many times on this issue. One day I decide that I do want those faster times enough to lose some weight, then I diet and it feels so completely ridiculous to be denying myself fuel that I stop.
I am very wary of dieting, I'm not entirely sure why, it just goes against every fibre of my being to deprive the body when it's working hard and asking for MORE! I was put on a diet by a coach when I was 16, I duly lost weight and my running turned to shit. My training went up, the fuel went down and I looked, ran and felt like crap. Soooooo weak! I'll take strong over that any day!
I also have running friends who discuss weight fairly regularly (I am guilty of this too) and it can get old VERY quickly. I am the lightest I have been for years and yet there is part of me that tells me in order to be as fast as I can I need to be lighter. Guess what, i'm currently trying to lose some weight. I definitely still see myself as being bigger than I am, always get a surprise when I see a photo and think 'do I look like that' but my body has changed drastically in the last 2 years of taking up running again since having kids (and being a couch potato!). Do our heads and reality ever line up? I don't think I have body image issues, I mean I don't want to be lighter for aesthetic reasons purely to be faster. Maybe that's not entirely true, I would love to feel comfortable enough to wear a bra top here in summer it gets so hot.
I hope I have never commented on anyones appearance other than to say they look great.
I wonder whether you should describe yourself as looking like a 'beast', I get that you are strong and powerful, but you are also very lean, athletic and with that comes grace (I have seen you run!) Beast maybe carry's some negative connotations for me that it doesn't for you of course! I just think we can do better, you may train like a beast I just don't think you look like one! at all.
Well said! I'm in the same boat as you! Used to be complete skin and bones, but never had a kick and always got hurt. I'm gradually getting some weight and muscle (and I emphasize gradually), and it's already made me feel more confident about when I return to running! Definitely still miss that long, stringy look; but I think the pros outweigh the cons on this one! :)
It is SUCH a slope. I have seem a few very close running friends start with good intentions (eating right, lose a little extra fat) and get on a total downward spiral. I think it's the obsessiveness of distance runners combined with the unrealistic standards society hands us. (The standard of being that you have to look like *fill in the blank here* to accomplish *fill in the blank here*.
I have accidently gotten on that spiral myself. Thankfully, I have a ton of non-running friends that keep me in check and force-feed me chocolate. ;)
Interesting, well written post.
I have read in the past about this topic with "the thin who have bulked up some" The "average person" and the "slightly above average", but I have still havent read about "the ones that went from really large to smaller" I would bet they would like to have voice, but are hestitant on speaking about it.
Great topic! It does really bug me that there seems to be an "ideal" way that runners are "supposed to" look. For me, running has helped me focus less on what my body looks like and more on how it performs. If I'm a little heavier but can run faster because I'm properly fueled, I'll take it!
GREAT post!
Body image is a tricky game, especially for girls. I taught high school for a long time and it's just so hard to see what some girls go through to be accepted. As we age (aka: when you're as old as dirt like me :)), I think the image thing matters less...but I know I feel into the wishing the 'old me' body was back when I couldn't run due to my foot. The cool thing is, it CAN come back with a little hard work.
Great work as always, girl! Thanks for the post - it's great to keep things in perspective!
This is a wonderful post and I really needed it today.... so 'thanks' :D
Great post. It's crazy what we do to ourselves when it comes to our body image. You are fit, strong and fabulous!!!!!! :)
Well said! It is fairly sad how especially women are so hooked on looking like Paula Radcliffe. I am a 5'8 and 130lbs middle-distance runner, and I have always been very muscular. My body fat is usually between 12-14%, and I don't own a scale, so my weight is just a gestimate. Sad thing is that few times when I have been to a college track meet, some parents have come to talk to me and they tell me that I look too strong to be a college runner. That kind of comments blow my mind at times. No wonder some of the young runners have issues...
Post a Comment