I received my next 6 weeks or so training schedule from Coach Doug the other day. Now that tri season has come to a close for me I have been looking forward to being a single-sport athlete focusing on the discipline I love so much: running. I would be lying if I said this cycle did not come without any apprehension, but I as I have been getting fairly consistent miles in week in, week out-my expectations, goals, and purpose keep floating around in the vast space that is my cranium.
While I won't bore you with specifics of what's included in this part of the training plan, the email that came with the attached spreadsheet read "it's going to get difficult quick, so pay attention to how you're feeling". After another wave of initial apprehension, the apprehension turned into something more like confidence. The biggest difference in this cycle is that it is realistic for where I am at. While the distances for long runs will definitely stretch me, especially at first; the paces for tempo and interval days are set appropriately for the here and now of my( current) fitness level. Imagine that?!
A year ago I would have probably asked for faster paces or more miles sooner; feeling that those are not challenging enough or nowhere near I'm capable of doing. If I was at the helm again designing the plan I likely would have rushed to return to my elusive top form. I would have felt sorry for myself for not running faster or being given a faster schedule. One thing that I have made a point or working on this year is to look at training as a process. Fast times and top fitness demand consistency, doing the right amount of things at the right time, and probably the most difficult of all: patience. As Chris Lear writes in his book "Sub-4:00" on Alan Webb and his first year at Michigan, "fitness takes patience".
So what does this have to do with the 'Me' in as the title indicates? For so many years, my fitness level and race times were part of my identity. I got more of my self-worth than I would like to admit with how fast I covered a distance, how many miles I ran in a given week-plus what my average pace was on each run made it easier to be at ease with who I was at the time. Well guess what? It is a very frustrating and often empty pursuit chasing the almighty clock and everything that goes with it. One of the biggest changes in my approach is that I am pensively* learning to look beyond the clock , the endless comparisons, and how my day goes being based on my run or if I am healthy or not. How fit and fast I am can increase my overall confidence level, but drive it? Sounds like risky business.
Was the schedule "beneath" my potential? Of course-but that's the point. I know what I am capable of, but in order to experience that potential-I have to work this step first to get to the next one with what I've got right now. Looking beyond my own little orb of self-influence, I have a lot to be grateful and to work with. What it takes is patience. Of course I want my 50-mile weeks and low-6 tempo runs now, but I don't need them in order to enjoy the sport and feel like an athlete. As much as running enhances my life-my fitness level does not need to determine what I think of Me.
And as a much wiser sport psychologist once wrote "you can have anything you want as long as you don't need it". A realistic, yet still fairly progressive training and racing plan is a step. I'm here, I'm in, I'm committed. May I remember those three phrases on those days I do get frustrated and struggle. Progress is never a straight line. Realistic goals make that crazy curvilinear line a little straighter.
A quick closing note:
I hope anyone who reads this takes what they want and leaves what they don't. The purpose of this post is to help keep me accountable as I enter a physically and mentally challenging phase and hopefully provide a different perspective on what running and racing can bring to us. In no way is what I think or believe better than any one else's philosophy, we all have different reasons for our training. This doesn't mean that I won't be my competitive, driven self; just a slightly smarter, more patient version of it! Hopefully my best running experiences are ahead of me.
Stay the course.
3 comments:
I love the honesty and genuineness of this post. I see a lot of myself in it- at times, tied to the clock, allowing it to determine self-worth. And why? They are, after all, just numbers. What makes the athlete is inside of us. Crap, I love PRs and high mileage as much (or more) as the next runner, but the cycle of chasing the numbers can get obsessive.
I'm at such a frustrating point with my own running (or really lack of) that the fear of never meeting my potential has never been so front forward. This post is such great reminder that we can be GREAT without a number.
Of course with all that being said, I really believe you are ready to ROCK this cycle. You have approached this so wisely. Your patience and approach is going to fuel your success.
I know last year when I got an ultra coach to help me for the 50 in Leadville, I was like, "WTH, this is WAY too slow..." I wanted the big girl boxing gloves on because that's what I was used to. I actually fought this tooth and nail but when I eventually gave in, I got stronger and stronger and it got harder and harder....and I kicked some ASS in Leadville. I'm sitting here lollygagging the year away with no specific goals or plans, but do feel a bit of restlessness brewing to be more fit and filling my capabilities. And I think it's time to lure myself back to the beginnings of my once-coach and do a lot of slow, slow, slow MAF miles, teach my body to use fat for fuel, and bag out some better ultras next year. It's nice to have someone out there looking out for us who may know us a little better than we know ourselves! I think you're going to have a really great race!!! :)
xo
I'm so happy to see you in a place of trusting your training process. This is HARD for goal-oriented people!!
Run smart, keep passing on the reflections.
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